None Of This Is Worse Than Losing You
by FrostyFingers
Summary: Just a little one-shot I had to write after crying over 'Berlin'. Dedicated to all of my fellow Lizzington supporters, we will get through this, with Lizzie and Red, side by side.


AN: This little story came to me almost instantly after watching Berlin... and crying while my heart was breaking for Lizzie and Red and all my fellow Lizzington supporters. I hope you'll enjoy it. My thanks goes out to jackandsamforever, who's been a wonderful beta once again.

Disclaimer: I do not own The Blacklist or any of the characters participating. I just enjoy letting my imagination loose.

The Blacklist

He had kneeled down in front of her, his eyes never leaving hers. If they'd been anywhere else in the world, one would have come to think that he might be proposing to her. Her heart had skipped a beat at the gesture. It was his way of apologizing to her, his way of asking for forgiveness. He hadn't cared about the FBI coming, hadn't cared that both Dembe and Lizzie had told him to leave. He had sat down, wanting to know everything about her change of heart. Why she had tried to get him out of this situation and jeopardized her career and her life without giving it proper thought; though she was still unbelievably mad at him. Justifiably, so. When he had joked about what the FBI could do to him that hadn't already been done, then turned deadly serious when he had told her "None of this is worse than losing you." Liz had almost let out the tears that were threatening at corner of her eyes.

He didn't care if he was beaten, tortured or even killed, because if she wasn't with him life didn't matter anymore. Liz realized now that she should have handled the situation differently. Maybe she should have just slapped him that day, maybe even given him the silent treatment for a couple of weeks before actually talking this out with him. She knew her father, knew that he wouldn't have wanted to live like that for any longer; he wouldn't have wanted for her to see him like that. She knew both men had, in a twisted and painful way, made the right decision. It didn't lessen the pain, and she had been more stubborn than usual, not helping the situation at all. It was her fault that he was back in that stupid box again, held like some kind of animal. This wasn't fair. She had always thought that Cooper had her back, and now this.

The Blacklist

It was late and most of the agents were gone when Liz arrived at the post office. She went straight to the office she shared with Ressler and shut the door behind her.

"I need a favor," she said.

The male FBI agent turned and looked at her. "I can't do it."

"Ress -"

"I can't do it, Liz."

She bit her lip and closed her eyes for a moment before opening them to look at her friend. "Please, it won't take long."

Liz watched as her friend studied her closely for a few moments, then caved. "Five minutes and not one minute longer. I'll have Aram kill sound and camera. You can go in, but the box will need to be closed." He told her before finding himself in a tight hug.

"Thank you, Ress. I owe you big time; both of you," she replied with a teary smile.

The man stood and patted her back. "You so do. Give me a moment and you can go in."

The Blacklist

A couple of minutes later the pair walked into the big room that held the box. The moment Red laid eyes on Liz, his mouth twitched into a smile.

"Five minutes, Liz," Ressler called out as she stepped into the open box and closed it behind her before leaving to give them some privacy.

"Lizzie," he looked her over. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

Hearing that his voice held no hint of anger, but rather happiness that she was willing to be near him, was a huge relief.

"I'm sorry, Red," was the first thing that left her mouth. "I should've trusted you. I know that Sam wouldn't have wanted me to see him like that, I know that. I'm sorry I didn't trust you, and that I was too stubborn to listen to you." The words were spoken quickly, almost jumbling through her haste as the first tears made their way down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry you're back in this box."

"Lizzie -"

"I will get you out of here, I promise you," she continued, her voice breaking several times as the tears continued streaming down her cheeks.

"Lizzie," he tried to interrupt again.

She looked at his cuffed form on the chair and hated herself for doing this. "I will get you out of here, I swear. I'm so sorry." She knew she was repeating that sentence to him over and over, but she needed him to understand.

Red swallowed hard. He hated seeing her cry, even more because it was over him. "Lizzie, come here. Come to me, sweetheart," he beckoned her over.

The endearment was what broke the camel's back, and a heart-wrenching sob escaped her throat as she practically flung herself into his chest, her arms hugging him tightly around the neck. He cursed the cuffs as he wanted nothing more than to hold her close and tell her that everything would be alright. He moved his legs so they pressed into her knees, making her sit across his lap. As soon as she sat, he nuzzled his nose into her hair, trying to calm her as best as he could without his hands.

"It's alright, Lizzie. Shh... just calm down. Everything is okay, we are okay," he tried soothingly. "I wish I could hold you, sweetheart," he told her and placed a kiss against her temple.

"Red," she sobbed, still clinging tightly to his neck.

"Everything is going to be okay." He hung his head and pressed a kiss to the shell of her ear. "You should go now. I don't want you in trouble," he whispered.

Liz pulled back reluctantly and wiped at the tears using the back of her head. "I'll get you out," she stated stubbornly, only her raspy voice betraying her.

Red smiled sadly at her, having no doubt that she would give it her everything but wouldn't be successful. He dropped his head, trying to come to terms with the thought of never seeing her again.

Liz took his face into her hands and raised his head so they were at eye-level again, then leaned down and kissed him on the lips, taking her sweet time and relishing the softness of his lips. As soon as she pulled back, his eyes snapped open and he stared at her with a bewildered look, seemingly more than surprised.

"You're not going to be in here for very long," she said in a determined voice before leaning back in to kiss him once more.

This time he didn't waste any time in kissing her back. Kissing her as good as he could while being chained like a wild beast. When they pulled apart, they both were more than a little breathless.

"I really wish I had my hands for this," he told her.

"Soon," Liz replied, stroking his cheek. She then placed another soft kiss against his mouth. "I promise."


End file.
